Never Meant for This
by SVUEmily
Summary: When the squad is assigned an uncrackable case, what lengths will Olivia go to in order to solve it? Who will get hurt in the process? Will Elliot ever come back to SVU? Find out in "Never Meant for This".
1. Chapter 1 - Uncrackable

- **DISCLAIMER** -  
I own none of the characters mentioned unless stated otherwise. All rights go to Dick Wolf and NBC. This story is fictional and solely for entertainment purposes. Some scenes/vocabulary may not be suitable for children. Rated M.  
AN: _Sentences that are in italics are Olivia's thoughts_. Some _words_ that are italicized aren't her thoughts but are just used to emphasize words.  
—

 _ **Never Meant for This, Chapter One - Uncrackable**_

It had been 2,190 days. Six years. Six years since the last time Olivia had seen, heard from, or talked to her partner- well, former partner. Six years without associating with a person that she once considered to be the only man in her life.

In the moments that led up to the six years, she learned that the tiniest of things can have the biggest impact on someone's life. On the day of the shooting in the precinct, all it took was a single, tiny bullet for her life to be drastically changed.

Elliot fired the final shot in the precinct, the shot that killed Jenna Fox. Something felt off to Olivia about this tiny bullet. Of course, she knew that it had just taken away the life of a child, but it wasn't like the feeling that she gets when someone dies in front of her. It was another feeling that really struck her. It was a feeling of expectancy like she knew something was coming, but she couldn't quite pinpoint what it was. It wasn't long after that day that she would learn why she had felt that way.

When Cragen called her into his office, she already knew what was waiting for her behind those walls. She didn't want to believe it, but she subconsciously knew. _He hasn't been back in weeks_. She _knew_ that when she closed the door, her captain would tell her that the partner- her partner that she had spent 12 years with, had left. It hadn't been a shock to her when he said those exact words, but it still hurt worse than a blazing gunshot wound as they poured out of his mouth. The words _"_ _Elliot put his papers in"_ still echoed in her ears, even six years later.

It took months of suppressing her heartbreak to get to a mental state that allowed her to just exist without having to think about when Elliot would call her, or even send her a letter, every other second. She never knew the real reason as to why he never returned her calls or text messages, but she had thought that it fell in between the lines of not wanting to come back to the unit and not wanting to face her. She didn't know the exact reason, but she understood it. Some of it, anyway. And after six years of waiting for some sort of communication from him, she had finally given up her hope.

 **-May 3rd, 7:35 pm, 16th Precinct-**

The entire precinct was assigned a case a week ago that she expected to be easily solvable. It was the rape of 24-year-old Amelie Santiago, the daughter of a very wealthy power couple in the acting industry. Amelie just happened to be outside of the wrong club, at the wrong time and was possessed with very bad luck. It was reported that two men who worked at the club drug her inside, locked themselves in a room, and raped her. She wasn't able to get a good look at the perps so a line up was out of the question, and the only thing that they had to go off of was a post-trauma recollection of the occurrence by Amelie.

For a week now, Olivia, and the rest of the department have been trying to find a single lead, but have come up with absolutely nothing. Zero. Zilch. Not one piece of evidence or print was found from the crime scene and the rape kit came back negative for any fluids. It's almost as if the rape had never happened. Isn't it funny how something as tiny as a bit of evidence could have changed the course of the entire case?

The guys that they were dealing with weren't amateurs, they've attacked before. _What's to stop them from attacking again?_ Not only has she not slept in over 24 hours, but she hasn't felt this frustrated with a case since, well, Lowell Harris. After running out of options, she decided to visit the hospital one last time to make sure that she had gotten all of the details from the attack.

 **-May 3rd, 8:00 pm, NYC Hospital-**

Just as she flashed her badge to the obviously sleep deprived nurse at the desk, she heard an obnoxious amount of shouting coming from Amelie's room. Dropping her badge in her back pocket, she ran to the source of the violent screaming. When she opened the door, she found two people that she had recognized from somewhere. _Maybe a magazine, or even TV?_ She could only assume that these were the "famous" parents (with the "boatload" of money) that continually threatened the entire NYPD. _These pricks again_ , she thought with an eye roll.

She couldn't quite make out what they were saying because of the intensity and speed that the words were flying out of their mouths, but she did pick up the phrases "it's your fault" and "you shouldn't have been out so late." All it took were the words "your" and "fault" to immediately infuriate Olivia. Victim blaming was the one thing that could send her blood boiling within milliseconds. Being the product of a rape, she knew it was never the victim's fault and she intended to make sure Amelie's parents did too. At almost the speed of light, she walked up to them, and like flowing lava, spit the words, "and I suppose she was asking for it too? If you wear a short skirt and a skimpy shirt, are you implying that _you_ want to be raped?" Mr. and Mrs. Santiago instantly became even more enraged and began to direct their already fueled anger at Olivia instead of Amelie. "Didn't think so," Olivia replied.

Amelie's father appeared to take the most offense from Olivia's words. "Who the hell do you think you are, barging into _our_ private conversation with _our_ daughter?" Knowing she was going to have to fight fire with fire, she went against her better judgment and sarcastically replied, "I'm detective Olivia Benson of the Special Victims Unit. And you are?" Again, Mr. Santiago took most of the blunt force of this smart-ass comment, and irritatedly said, "Olivia, I don't think you have the right, nor the authority to talk to the parents of the _victim_ like that. I don't think your supervisor would appreciate hearing about how his detective wasn't condoling. I'd highly recommend you stay in your place before things get ugly." His comment gave her the upper ground, and the ammo that she needed to win this raging battle. "First of all, I'd like to correct you on a few things. You have no right to talk to a child like that, whether she is or isn't yours. Secondly, you can call me Detective Benson. And lastly, threatening a cop can get you a year in lockup. I'd suggest that you stay in _your_ place before things get ugly." Her final comment seemed to settle as perfectly as she had hoped because Mr. Santiago retreated from the battleground and waved his white flag faster than a bolt of lightning. _Whoever said you couldn't fight fire with fire?_

"As much as I'd love to talk with both you and your parents, Amelie, I think you might be more comfortable if they step outside while I ask you some questions." Amelie nodded her head in agreement, without a single bit of protest visible in her eyes. "Would you step out, please?" She watched with immense pleasure as both of her parents stepped out into the hallway, anger still obvious in their body movements.

She directed her attention back to Amelie and pondered upon how two parents like Amelie's could make such a passive and sweet person. "We weren't able to find any fluids or prints left at the scene, so we are going off of the information that you gave us. Would you mind running through your statement with me one more time, just to make sure we have everything correct? Also, if you remember anything from the night that I don't mention while we are talking, don't hesitate to tell me." Olivia watched her eyes become visibly frightened at the thought of recollecting the night's events, but her body still remains relaxed. "Sure, I don't mind. Anything I can do to help."

Amelie went through her story once more and nothing had changed. It was an exact match to her original statement, almost word for word. No details were added or revoked. _Back to square one._

Olivia decided to head back to the precinct, hoping that when she arrived the squad would have made a major break in the case, and that she wouldn't have to suggest they do the only option that was foreseeably left in her opinion.

 **-May 3rd, 9:35 pm, 16th Precinct-**

She walked into the precinct and saw that her desk had been filled with slips of paper. She looked questioningly at Fin, who was now situated in the desk across from her. He gave her an unamused sigh and gestured toward his own stack of slips on his desk. She picked up a piece and realized that it didn't take a genius to know that they were useless tips from the public. She already knew that some would claim that they saw Amelie voluntarily go with the men, and others would say that they knew God would never allow someone to be attacked and that she must be lying. Olivia sat down with a _thud_ , returning Fin's unamused sigh.

 **-May 3rd, 10:25 pm, 16th Precinct-**

Once going through the last of the tips that were called in, as expected, they found nothing. "I don't think we're going to get anywhere if we keep approaching it like we are," Olivia said to Fin, frustratedly. Looking up briefly to stretch, she saw that Cragen was approaching her desk; obviously just as frustrated with the case as she is. "What the hell do you suggest we do then, Olivia? I've got the whole precinct working on this damned case and we haven't come up with a single lead. Any suggestions that you have would be highly endorsed."

She thought about what the best way to phrase these words would be, but couldn't think of an easy way to put them. "Don, I think you should send me undercover. I can try to lure the bastards out if I repeat the moves that Amelie Santiago did the night of her attack." Cragen suddenly became stone-faced. She knew that he was thinking about what had happened the last time he sent Olivia undercover to try to lure a rapist out of hiding. She also knew that he was going to be extremely hesitant about doing it again.

"The only way we are sending you, or anyone else in, is if there are absolutely no other options. I'm not gambling one of my most decorated detectives if there is another way." After her talk with Amelie, she knew that there weren't any alternatives. "Like you mentioned, the whole department has been working this case for a week and there hasn't been a single break. I think it's the only way to get the perps who did this. If we don't catch these guys soon, they may attack again."

She watched as Cragen simply shook his head. There wasn't disagreement present in the shake, solely acknowledgment. He too understood that this was the only way, but he had experienced too many undercover operations gone wrong for him to feel comfortable with another one. After a few moments- a few too many for comfort- he doubtfully said, "Alright, I'll talk to 1PP about this and get all of the finer details worked out. Olivia, I can't promise you anything, but it's likely that you will be the bait of the operation. If you aren't comfortable with that, you need to let me know." She shook her head as confidently as she could, even though her stomach was churning from the inside out. The only thing that she could think about throughout their whole conversations was her last undercover situation where she was the bait. _Lowell Harris_ was the sole words that she could hear in her head.

Just as Cragen had started back to his office, he turned around to Fin, pulling Olivia out of her string of relentless thoughts and said, "Detective, you're going in with her as well. If anything happens, you pull her out of there immediately." Fin gave his usual "Yes, sir," and quickly refocused his attention to the stack of informational, or rather non-informational tips that lay on his desk. _This is going to be a long night_ , she silently thought to herself. She sat down at her desk with another _thud,_ pointlessly attempting to shuffle through her own stack of tips again.

 **-May 3rd, 11:20 pm, 16th Precinct-**

After reading and re-reading the endless piles of tips, she finally decided to call it a night. The only thing that she had been thinking about all night was the wine and comfy sweatsuit that had been calling her name. She reached down, grabbed her bag, and headed for the door. Just as she was passing Fin's desk, he stopped her and said, "Liv, I know that you really want to catch this guy, and so do I, but I don't want to see you end up dead because of it." She knew that Fin was just looking out for her and she really appreciated it, but she also felt confident that the operation would go well. Even if it didn't, what did she have to lose? Elliot was gone, and so was her mom. The only family that she had left was a half-brother, but she hadn't seen him in years. Last she heard, he was somewhere in New Jersey. "I'll be fine, Fin. Cap' will make sure that it goes off without any problems." He seemed weary but satisfied with her answer. "Alright, I've always got your back no matter what. Do you need a ride home? I was just about to head out myself."  
"The same goes here, and yeah, thanks. I'd love a free ride home."  
"Cheap-ass," he replied back sarcastically. She simply took the insult and laughed it off because after all, he was giving her a free ride home.

 **-May 3rd, 11:55pm, Olivia's** **Apartment** -

"Thanks for the ride, Fin. See you tomorrow," she said with a light smile. "No problem Liv. Just so you know, you owe me a coffee for this." She laughed and replied, "Don't I always get the coffee?"  
"Yeah, because the last time I tried to be nice and satisfy your urge for coffee, I almost got killed," he said with a laugh. She still felt a bit guilty about the morning that Fin got shot, but she laughed along with him anyways. "Night, Liv." She watched as he pulled off onto the dimly lit street, and then headed up to her apartment.

 **-May 4th, 12:04 am, Olivia's Apartment-**

When she entered her apartment and locked the doors, she began to think about the events of this past week and how it has been the craziest week in a while for the squad. The few weeks prior to this case had been filled with the occasional parent worried that their child was being abused by the ex-spouse (all of which weren't), and calls to scenes of sexually induced murders. _People would be surprised at how many of those cases I have,_ she thinks to herself. She knows that it was selfish of her to wish that the speed would pick up around the precinct, but she's also happy that she isn't confined to unofficial desk duty anymore.

 **-May 4th, 12:55 am, Olivia's Apartment-**

Red wine never seemed to be strong enough to wash away the days' events, but if she continued to drink it the way she is right now it might do a little more than wash away memories. _2 glasses are enough_ , she thinks as she struggles against the glass to drain the rest of the scarlet-colored drink into her mouth. Feeling suddenly uncomfortable in the clothes that she's wearing, she decides to change into something a little more appropriate for the evening.

Heading into her room, she grabs a pair of pajama shorts from her dresser and a hoodie from her closet. She grabs the gray, worn hoodie, and brings it up to her nose to smell it. _Elliot_ is the sole word that crosses her mind. She remembers the night that he left it at her house. They were going over a case in preparation to go on the stand the following day and just as Elliot was leaving, she looked back to the couch and saw the hoodie sitting there, but he was already out of the door when she turned around to give it to him. When she brought it to work the next day to return it to him, he told her to keep it. She never knew how much she really needed the hoodie until Elliot left, it's her safety blanket, and it makes her feel like he's still here.

Being abruptly thrown from her thoughts by a noise coming from her phone, she angrily picks it up and reads the screen. Her battery had low power, but that wasn't the thing that startled her the most. The names _**Cragen**_ and _**Fin**_ appeared on her screen with the words 12 Missed Calls next to them. Springing from the couch that she was now situated on, she ran to her bedroom and plugged her phone in. This many calls could only mean two things. One, the squad had made a major break in the case, and two, something else- something terrible has happened. She hesitantly called Cragen back, counting the rings that she heard before he picked up. It only took 2 rings for him to pick up the phone, and she automatically knew that something was wrong.

There were just 5 treacherous words following his picking up of the phone. "Olivia, we have a problem."  
 _I knew the evening was going too smoothly. This city never sleeps._  
 _I knew it._

—

Authors Note (AN): I want to thank my lovely beta readers for helping me out with this chapter! It wouldn't be nearly as good without them, so thank you to Alicia, Rachel, Eileen, and Aliza for all of your help!  
(I also want to thank my best friend, Abbie, for sitting through the pain of not understanding what I was talking about while she was beta-reading this for me because she doesn't watch SVU very often. She was my beta before I reached out on social media and found 4 amazing people who have become my new betas, so thanks again Abbie for bearing with me :))


	2. Chapter 2 - Then, Unexpectedly

**-DISCLAIMER-**  
I own none of the characters mentioned unless stated otherwise. All rights go to Dick Wolf and NBC. This story is fictional and solely for entertainment purposes. **Please take into consideration that the following scenes may be triggering for some** , and contain descriptions of a sexual assault and rape. **Please read at your own risk.** While this story and its events are fictional, sexual assault/rape is real and happens daily. If you or someone you know is being sexually abused, there are many ways to get help, including the National Sexual Assault Hotline. You can reach them at the number 1-800-656-4673. No matter what you are facing right now or have faced in the past, always remember that you are never alone and that there are always people willing to help. Now that that is out of the way, enjoy Chapter 2!  
AN: _Sentences that are in italics are Olivia's thoughts._ Some _words_ that are italicized aren't her thoughts but are just used to _emphasize_ words.

 **-May 4th, 1:10 am, Olivia's Apartment-  
**  
 _I knew it.  
_

She knew that her evening was going too smoothly. Cases like these require round-the-clock working, you can't just put this type of file down until the next workday. You only have two options with it; you either get it done the first day it's given to you, or you work until it's finished, no matter how long that may be.

Without even having enough time to change back into her work clothes, she ran outside of her apartment and saw Fin sitting in his car. He was exactly where Cragen said he would be. She jumped in the passenger seat and tried to listen to Fin's endless questioning about "What took you so long?" and "Don't you ever check your phone?" but found it difficult to listen to his everlasting lecture. He eventually ceased into silence after realizing that she was no longer listening and instead asked what Cragen had told her over the phone. "Not much. He said that there was a problem, that I had to get back to the precinct ASAP, and that you were on your way back to my apartment to pick me up. Mind telling me what this is all about?" she replied with angst present in her tone, running a hand over her exhausted face. With a heavy sigh, he started, "Liv, another girl has been attacked. She came into the precinct right after we left. Cragen called me in, but she said that she'd only talk to a female detective." She began to feel uneasy because just as she'd predicted, the attackers struck again. _I shouldn't have stopped working. I might've been able to prevent this._ They remained silent for the rest of the car ride back to the precinct as Olivia tried to process this new information. _We're going to get these bastards, I promise.  
_  
 **-May 4th, 1:40 am, 16th Precinct-  
**  
Fin parked his car and inquisitively looked over towards Olivia. He could see that she was thinking about something intensely and was intrigued. "What're you thinking about?" Startled by his willingness to converse, she simply replied, "Just about the case." He knew that she was holding something back and decided to push it a little further. "Baby, I've known you for 17 years. I also know when you're holding something back." Even though she was annoyed by his persistence, she decided that it would be easier to just tell him what was on her mind. "I feel like we missed something. We had to have, right? Criminals aren't ever this careful, especially a rapist." She could see the expectancy in his eyes like he already knew that it was what she was going to say. "CSU went over that place with a fine-toothed comb and a magnifying glass. If there was something there we would have found it, you and I both know that. Try to not be so hard on yourself, we're all working as hard as we can to solve this case, including you." She knew that he was right, but she couldn't help but feel that it was partially her fault that another girl was raped. _Maybe if I'd stayed later and worked on the case a little longer, I would have been able to find something that could have stopped this?_

Pulling her out of her interminable thoughts, Fin abruptly said, "Ready to go inside?." "Yeah, let's go," she replied, her voice barely louder than the buzz of the passing airplane in the distance.

As they began walking towards the precinct, Fin looked at Olivia with a smirk sprawled across his face. "Liv, wait a second. Are you wearing Stabler's hoodie?" Olivia's face immediately became flushed as she shot him a glare, one that only proved to be futile because it made his grin turn into a laugh. He put his arm around her shoulder and said, "Don't worry, I won't say anything." She wondered how he knew that it was Elliot's hoodie, but was too tired to ask about it.

 **-May 4th, 1:50 am, 16th Precinct-  
**  
"Olivia," she heard her captain call in her direction. Turning her head swiftly toward him, she apologetically said, "Sorry that it took me so long to pick up my phone, I wasn't near it when you called." Cragen laughed at the urgency displayed in her tone, and responded, "Don't worry about that, I can't say I blame you. If someone called me at 1 in the morning, I wouldn't answer it either. Right now, I need you to focus on going into my office and talking with the victim." She noticed something was off about the way he said the word victim, but she was too exhausted to give it a second thought. "Were you at least able to get her name?" she precariously asked. Looking defeated, Cragen replied with a firm, "No." Olivia simply shook her head and proceeded in the direction of her captains' office.

As she vigilantly opened the door, she saw a small figure sitting in the chair before her. The tiny frame was facing away from her and appeared to be in deep thought. Nearly inaudible, Olivia said, "Hello, my name is Detective Olivia Benson. My Captain told me that you wanted to speak to a female detective? Can you tell me your name?" The frail figure turned around towards her with tears staining her face, and said, "My name is Clara." All of a sudden, it was like the world was crashing down upon her. No one prepared her for what she was looking at. Not Cragen, Fin, or anyone else in the squad room. Not only did she notice that the figure in the chair small, but she realized that the frail figure before her was that of a child's. She couldn't have been more than 16 years old. Her heart instantly broke as she stared at the wide and teary-eyed adolescent before her. She wanted to rip apart the guys who did this to this portrait of innocence that sat before her. Something about crimes against children sent her blood pressure through the roof. _I guess this is why Elliot and I got along so well_ , she thought to herself.

Realizing that she had been staring at Clara for far too long, she finally pulled herself together enough to mumble the words, "Hi Clara. You can call me Olivia. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?" Clara looked nervous, but she nodded her head. Olivia took this as her agreeing and began asking her questions. "Clara, how old are you?" Olivia asked. "I'm 15, I'll be 16 next month," she said shakily. _Just a baby, way too young to be exposed to this cruel world._ "Has anyone called your parents?" she asked, with the same urgency present in her voice that she spoke to Cragen with earlier. Olivia noticed the change in her facial expression and the only emotion displayed across it was now panic. "Please don't tell my parents, they'll be so angry at me," replied Clara, the panic audible in her voice. Placing a hand on Clara's shoulder, she reassured her by saying, "Honey, they won't be mad. I promise. The only thing they'll be feeling is grateful that you are okay." After giving Clara a few seconds to consider this, she said, "Can I call them?" Reluctantly, Clara agreed and gave Olivia her mother's phone number.

After a brief phone call with Clara's mother, she informed Clara that her parents were on their way. She knew that the experience had been extremely scarring for Clara, but she had to get the details about what exactly happened. "Clara, can we talk about what happened outside the bar tonight?" Olivia asked. She watched Clara's eyes become dark and frightened. Not long following, Clara broke down into tears. Olivia immediately pulled her into a hug, holding her tightly as she stroked her head in an attempt to ease her distress. They stayed that way for the next 10 minutes. Clara sat up, looked at Olivia, and said, "I'm sorry, I'm still shaken up from tonight. I think I'm ready to talk about it now though." Olivia gave her a reassuring smile and said, "Whenever you're ready, sweetheart."

With tears filling her bright blue eyes, Clara started, "I was on my way home from a friends house, we were studying for a big test that we have on Thursday. As I was passing by this bar, I started to feel like I wasn't alone. I turned around and saw a man walk out of the front door and then, I felt a hand grab me. They pulled me in through the back door and I heard them lock it. I was pushed down on the floor and then two men raped me." By the time Clara had finished telling Olivia what had happened, the tears that were once contained in the girls' eyes had fallen. Olivia knew to not look at the people like they were victims, but she couldn't help it. Not when the 15-year-old girl that had just cried in her arms was sitting right in front of her, disclosing her horrifying story. Once she snapped out of it, she finally decided to say something to Clara. "Sweetheart, I am so sorry that this happened to you. We are working really hard to catch the guys that did this to you. Did you happen to see what they looked like? It could help us put them in jail." Clara thought about it for a few seconds and then she looked up at Olivia and gasped. "One man had brunette hair, and the other had blonde. The guy with the brunette hair also had a scar on his chin." Olivia smiled at Clara and said, "That's great, really honey. That'll help us out a lot."

Just as Olivia stood up to leave, Clara's parents walked in. "You must be Clara's parents. I'm Detective Olivia Benson, nice to meet you. I'm sorry that it had to be under such unfortunate circumstances," Olivia says. Clara's mom stepped towards Olivia and put her hand out to shake Olivia's. "My name is Evelyn and this is my husband Thomas. Thank you so much for calling us," she said with a light smile. Olivia shook her hand, and gestures for them to go over to their daughter. As she watched them hug Clara, she could tell that they had been extremely worried about her. "I'll leave you guys alone to talk. See you soon, Clara," Olivia said, more exhausted than anything. "See you around, Olivia," Clara replied, sniffling.

Olivia exited her captains' office and saw that he was on the phone with someone that appeared to be important. Rather than being angry with him for not informing her that their latest victim was a child, she decided that it would be best to leave it alone. She walked over to her desk and sat down, laying her elbows on the desk and scrubbing her hands over her face. "Olivia," she heard Cragen call towards her. _Oh no_ , she thought to herself. Just an hour prior, Cragen had said her name in the same way and asked her to talk to the victim. She looked up from her hands and saw that his facial expression had gone from strict to stern. "Cap?" she asks. He looked at her with sorry eyes and said, "I just spoke with 1PP, and they want to go through with this undercover operation." Olivia's eyes widened because she knew exactly what he was going to say next. His expression turned into a pained look as he continued, "And they want you to be the bait."

 **-May 4th, 3:00 am, En Route-**

Cragen had told her that she needed to go home and get some sleep because the next few days would be extremely chaotic. As she slid in the backseat of the taxi, she replayed their conversation in her head.

 _ **Cragen:**_ " _Olivia, you don't have to go through with this if you aren't comfortable with it. We can always send another officer in."_

 _ **Olivia:**_ " _As much as I appreciate having that option, I want to- no, I need to do this. The victim sitting in your office is 15 years old. She's still a child, she still thinks that all people in this messed up world have good in them. After tonight, that's probably gone. Watching her recollect the events of tonight was terrible and I need to get justice for her. It has to be me."_

 _ **Cragen:**_ " _Okay then. This is your decision. I'm not going to push it anymore, I just want you to be careful. I'll have the details for the operation on your desk tomorrow. Go home and get some rest, you'll need it."_

 _ **Olivia:**_ " _Cap, I really don't need to go home. I'll be fine here. I can get some sleep in the crib."_

 _ **Cragen:**_ " _That wasn't a suggestion, Olivia. That was an order. Go home."  
_  
 **-May 4th, 3:30 am, Olivia's Apartment-  
**  
She was unexpectedly pulled from her thoughts by the taxi driver telling her that they had arrived at her apartment. She paid him her fare, got out of the yellow cab, and headed up to her apartment. After she was inside, she locked her door and headed straight for her bed. With the evening that she had, no matter what she had told Cragen, she needed sleep. She peeled back the velvet colored blankets that lined her bed and climbed into it. Making sure that her phone was on ring in case something else came up, she plugged it into the charger and laid it down on her nightstand. It only took seconds for her to fall fast asleep.

 _Olivia's Dream_

 _ **Elliot:**_ " _If that sniper hadn't beaten you to it, I know you would have taken the shot, Olivia."_

 _ **Olivia:**_ " _No, I wouldn't have. Did you really expect me to? Did you really expect me to cause your death? - What about your kids?"_

 _ **Elliot:**_ " _I don't know. Just couldn't get that boy out of my head."._

 _ **Olivia:**_ " _What about me?"_

 _ **Elliot:**_ " _Look, we both chose each other over the job. I'll never let that happen again. Otherwise... we can't be partners."_

 _ **Olivia:**_ " _I can't believe you're saying that."_

 _ **Elliot:**_ " _You and this job are the only things I've got anymore. I don't wanna wreck that. I couldn't take it."_

 _She watched for a second time as Elliot got up and left, leaving her there with so many questions, but with no chance to ask any of them. As she replayed his words over in her unconscious mind, she knew that there was only one thing she could do._

 _ **Cragen:**_ " _Olivia, what's up?"_

 _ **Olivia:**_ " _I want a new partner."  
_  
She sprung awake in a cold sweat, gasping for air. Never in a million years did she think that she'd ask for a new partner, but she knew at that moment, she would always put his safety before the job. After six years of not seeing him, there's nothing that she'd wish for more than to have him as her partner. To hear his steps align with hers as they walked down the busy New York streets, to deal with his temper as he lost it on one of their perps, or to just have one more lunch with him where they argued over who would pick up the tab. She missed him, there was no doubt about it.

She looked over at the clock and saw that it was already 7 am. _Oh my god, I'm going to be late!_ She sprung up out of her bed and ran to her closet to throw some clothes on. She picked a gray button-down shirt and a pair of black jeans with black boots to match. After quickly putting those on, she went to her kitchen to make coffee. A few moments later, her coffee was ready, and so was she. She sprinted out the door and hailed a taxi, and seconds later, she was on her way to the precinct. _What an endless and repetitive cycle,_ she thought. _  
_  
 **-May 4th, 7:35 am, 16th Precinct-  
**  
When she arrived at the precinct, all she could think about was the file that was probably sitting on her desk. It would be filled with the details for tonight's undercover operation, and she was desperate to read it. As she stepped off of the elevator and walked towards her desk, she saw Fin hovering over it, holding a file that read **Olivia** in his hand. "Fin, what're you doing with my file?" she asked, confusion filling her voice. He looked at her, swiftly closed the file, and said with a mischievous smile, "I was just looking at it and trying to compare it to mine." She was going to continue to badger him about it until she heard Cragen's door swing open and his voice call, "Olivia, Fin, would you come here for a few? Bring the files that I left on your desks." They both looked at each other and could only assume that this would be their briefing for tonight.

They entered their captains' office and closed the door behind them. "I want to go over the details for tonight. Would you guys please sit?" Cragen asked rhetorically. They both proceeded to sit down and open their files that were marked by their names. Cragen began by saying, "Olivia, you will be going undercover tonight as a woman named Maya James. You're going into the bar and sitting as close as you can to the back. You'll order a few drinks to make it look as real as possible. You won't drink any obviously, but you will stay a while and pay for them. Fin, you will be situated at a table parallel to Olivia's so that you can keep an eye on her. There will be a few other undercover cops there as well. Once you pay your tab, Olivia, you're going to try to get the attention of the workers that are in the back of the building, and then leave towards the back door. If this goes as planned, our perps should pull you inside through the back door, and then we will have Fin and the rest of the unit swarm through the other door and arrest them. We will have a tracker on you at all times so that we will know where you are. Any questions?"

This was a lot of information to take in, but luckily she had it all in the file that she was holding. Before she could say anything, Fin beat her to the question by saying, "Nope, not from me anyway." Her captain turned towards her, waiting for her answer. "No, I'm good too," she says. He shakes his head and says with a sigh, "Alright then. I want you guys to go back to your desks and study those files until tonight." They both replied with a "Yes, Sir," and got up to return to their desks.

Before Olivia could leave the room, Cragen stopped her by asking "Olivia, are you wearing Elliot's hoodie?" She was once again shocked by how he too knew that it was Elliot's hoodie, and figured that she should just ask him about it. She says, "Yes, I am. He gave it to me before he left. How do you know that it's his, anyway?" He gave her a look and proceeded by saying, "He wore it to work when we would call him in after hours. I always liked it, mainly because it's the jacket that they give Marines during boot camp." She never realized this and had always thought that it was just a store-bought jacket. Now that she knew the meaning behind it, she felt incredibly grateful towards Elliot for giving it to her. She knew that it must have been hard for him to give up and she really appreciated that he would give something like this to her. She shook her head in shock and proceeded to walk back to her desk and sit down, turning her attention back to the file.

 **-May 4th, 6:00 pm, 16th Precinct-**

"Alright guys, it's time," she heard her Captain say. She stood up, taking the file with her, and headed towards the elevator. "Liv, remember, you're going to meet us there, and Fin will walk in behind you. Everything else that you need to know is in the file," Cragen said to her. "I'll be fine, you can stop worrying." She says with a bit of sass present in her tone. He turned to her with a concerned look on his face and said, "I know that, but I'll always worry about my detectives, especially one that has been nothing but great to me." She knew that he saw her as the closest thing to a daughter that he's ever had so she didn't attempt to argue with him.

The elevator's ding signaled that they had reach ground floor, which meant that it was really time to get her head in the game. _You've got this Liv.  
_  
 **-May 4th, 6:20 pm, Mister's Bar-**

She parked next to Fin and Cragen and gave them a look and a thumbs up to let them know that her tracker was successfully placed on her. She read through the file one last time and stared intently at the bar. She was never one to pray but in this situation, she thought that anything to make this go more smoothly would help. _Hey God, I don't usually do this, but I'm really needing some help right about now. If you could, you know, make sure that this goes smoothly, I'd really appreciate that and I know the victims would too. So uh, I hope you heard me because I know you're probably really busy with your godly stuff. So amen, God bless, and all that kind of stuff._ She sighed and got out of her car very slowly. She heard Fin getting out of the car to her right, and mimicking her exact sign. Looking over at Fin, she gave him the slightest shake of her head, indicating that it was showtime.

 _Well, as they say in show business,  
Here goes nothing_.

—

Authors Note (AN): I hope you enjoyed Chapter 2! What will happen inside the bar? Only Chapter 3 will tell. Also, I wanted to thank my lovely beta readers again for helping me immensely with this chapter! Thank you so much Eileen, Rachel, Aliza, and Alicia! They all have very different roles when beta reading, so without having one of them, I don't know what I'd do! On another note, this Chapter was a bit longer than the other ones (4000 words) because I had more that I needed to fit in to be able to end it like I wanted to. I generally try to make them 3000 words, so expect that to be the normal length. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next time in Chapter 3 of _Never Meant for This_.


	3. Chapter 3 - Reminiscently

- **DISCLAIMER** -

I own none of the characters mentioned unless stated otherwise. All rights go to Dick Wolf and NBC. This story is fictional and solely for entertainment purposes. Some scenes/vocabulary may not be suitable for children.

AN: _Sentences that are in italics are Olivia's thoughts_. Some _words_ that are italicized aren't her thoughts but are just used to _emphasize_ words.

—

 **-May 4th, 6:20 pm, Mister's Bar-**

 _Well, as they saw in show business,_

 _Here goes nothing._

Olivia pushed open the charcoal rimmed doors that led into the bar and was hit with a nearly-atomic strike of determination. Although it was prominent all over her face, only long-time members of her squad would be able to recognize just how determined she was. She knew that if she wasn't on top of her game tonight things could go very wrong, very quickly.

She placed one foot in front of the other as she slowly made her way to the back of the room, and made sure to add swagger to her step when she passed by the muscular attendants in the back. She saw the brisk turn of their heads and the up and down movement of their eyes as she walked passed them, and this made her feel a small sense of victory. Once she has reached her table, she pulled out the chair and smoothed down the back of her dress as she sat down. She looked back at the attendants and saw that they were still looking at her, and appeared to be talking amongst themselves about her as well. _Getting their attention- check_ , she thought to herself, checking it off of her mental to-do list.

As the waiter started to approach her, she saw Fin and a few other familiar faces file in. Her partner, Nick, sat in the booth on the other side of the room. Rollins was situated at a window seat towards the front of the bar, and Fin was at the table parallel to hers. Once she assumed that everyone had taken their places, she saw the door open one more time and she watched someone that she wouldn't have ever expected to come in the doors, walk in. Completely and utterly in shock, Olivia sat in disbelief as one of her former co-workers, John Munch, walked in through the door. Not that this wasn't a pleasant surprise, it was just a really shocking one. Munch looked around the room, only stopping his eyes once he found the person he was looking for- Olivia. He quickly, and almost unnoticeably, gave her a wink and proceeded to what she could only assume was his seat in this undercover op. Olivia immediately pulled out her phone to send a text to Fin.

 _ **Olivia:**_ " _Fin, please tell me that I'm not going crazy. Did I just see John Munch walk into the bar? What the hell is he doing here?"_

 _ **Fin:**_ " _Well, I can't tell you that you aren't crazy because well- we've all seen you angry. But yes, you did just see the old man walk in. Cragen gave him a last-minute call while we were in the car. Apparently, he's always been Cragen's best when going undercover, so he called him in as a favor."_

 _ **Olivia:**_ " _A little heads up would have been nice then, I looked completely dumbfounded when he walked inside. Let's just hope that no one noticed anything strange. Also, thanks for the compliment. I quite like to think being slightly crazy is one of my best qualities, haha."_

Olivia hit the **send** button and looked up, only to see that the waiter was standing over her, prepared to take her order. "What can I start you off with to drink, Miss…" he said with a slight smile, waiting for a reply from Olivia. Catching on to his prolonged use of the word "Miss," Olivia replied, "Maya. Maya James. And your name is?" His smile turned mischievous as he started, "Nice to meet you, Maya. My name is Alex." Returning his smile, Olivia said, "Same to you. Can I get a Cosmopolitan?" Olivia noticed the slightly giddy change in his stance when she said that, and he replied with a wink, "Sure thing baby doll, coming right up." Generally, at her age, she appreciates when she gets hit on by younger men, but for some reason, she felt very bad vibes coming from this guy. _I might just be paranoid, but he's staying on my radar_ , she thinks to herself as she makes her second mental note of the night.

After seeing him walk away, her attention was now on the room around her and the people in it. As she scanned it, she found that everyone undercover was secretly keeping an eye on her. Amanda was looking at her through the reflection on the window, Fin had his phone propped up against his glass so that it was catching her reflection as well, and Nick was pretending to talk on the phone while staring at her. As her eyes landed on Munch, she expected to find him looking at her, but quite to the contrary, he didn't even appear to be looking at her. She wouldn't have known that he was if it wasn't for the wink he gave her when her eyes settled upon his. She still was uncertain as to how he was watching her, but she guessed that's why he's so talented when undercover.

Trying to ignore the fact that she probably had more than four sets of eyes on her, she centered her attention to the back of the room again, just long enough to look towards the attendants and capture their attention. She slyly winked at them and they were definitely intrigued by that. Once she was absolutely sure that she had their attention for a while, she turned her head back to the drink that was now being placed on her table by her waiter, Alex. He must've noticed her looking back at the men because he looked angry. He put the drink down and said to Olivia, "Those guys are bad news, sweet cheeks. Don't get any ideas about them." Surprised, Olivia countered his accusation. "What do you mean? They seem nice enough to me." The same mischievous smile that was across his face earlier had returned when he said, "They like it "rough" if you know what I mean. Just from meeting you tonight, I can tell that you don't like it that way." Becoming a bit offended by his insinuation, she replied coldly, "Thanks for the drink." He seemed to notice her sudden change in tone and became even angrier. He turned around and stormed off towards the kitchen. She thought that she probably shouldn't have been so cold, so abruptly, but didn't think about it any longer and instead decided to look for an empty glass that she could switch her drink with. This would make it look like she had drunk hers because she wasn't allowed to actually drink it while on the job. Getting up from her table, she grabbed one off of the table next to her and switched the two drinks.

She returned back to her table, smoothed her dress down once again, and rubbed a hand over her tired face. _There's no time for sleep, Olivia. Get your ass awake._ Springing up at the sound of the chair next to her being pulled out, she saw Nick sitting down. He began to pretend to flirt with her, which certainly got the attention of the attendants at the back of the room. "Nick, what're you doing?" she asked, more confused than anything. Nick laughed as if she had said something funny and proceeded, "Those guys in the back looked like they were getting bored. I figured I might be able to spice things up a little bit. How do you feel about putting a little show on for them?" She thought about it for a little bit and then replied, "What are you thinking?" Laughing again, Nick said, "How about a good ol' "I don't want you to buy me a drink" type of thing?" Olivia smiled at that, agreed, and put on her best-acting face.

Olivia stood up violently and said, "I said I don't want you to buy me a drink! Please leave me alone." As soon as she said that, Nick fired back in his best angry voice, "Why won't you just give me a chance, you crazy bitch?" This instantaneously captured both attendants attention and sent them fleeing over to find out what the problem was. Nick raised his hand to put it on Olivia's arm when one of the attendants stepped in between them and grabbed it. "What seems to be the problem here?" one of the tall attendants asked, still holding Nick's wrist tightly. Olivia responded quickly but hesitantly, "Nothing's wrong, if this man would just go back to his table, I'd be on my way." When Nick ripped his wrist back from one of the attendants, the other muscular attendant grabbed Olivia on her shoulders, and began to lead her away from the table while saying, "Miss, I'll take you back here, while my friend takes this gentleman back to his seat." Visibly becoming frightened, Olivia attempted to wriggle away from his grasp and said, "Please, I'll be fine at my table, I don't need to go anywhere." An evil laugh came from the man as he proceeded to say, "Miss, you need to come with me."

Olivia looked up from the ground and realized where he was taking her. _The back room._ She saw the scar on his chin and remembered that Clara had said that one of the men that raped her had a scar on his chin. _He's going to try to rape me._ Almost immediately, she began to struggle against his grasp and scream. "Let me go! Help!" As everyone undercover began to realize what was happening, they ran towards Olivia shouting "Stop! Police!" The man that had Olivia let her go and pulled a gun out of his waistband. All of the cops in the room drew their weapons and pointed them at the two now-armed attendants. Olivia attempted to run away and pull out her gun but was grabbed by the attendant once again and used as a shield. The man put the gun to the side of her abdomen and told the cops that he would kill her if they came any closer. This wasn't the first time that she'd had a weapon to her, but it was definitely one of the scariest, and she began to have a flashback to one of the many times that she had a gun to her.

 _She was walking with Manuel Rojas, praying that even though he had his gun drawn to her, he would be the one to die. They instantaneously spun around as Elliot's words startled them both._

 _ **Elliot:**_ _Police! Drop your weapon! Manuel!_

 _ **Manuel:**_ _Back away!_

 _ **Elliot:**_ _Manuel, let's just take it easy, okay? Let's calm down._

 _ **Manuel:**_ _Get these cops out of here._

 _ **Elliot:**_ _I can do that. You got to let her go, though._

 _ **Manuel:**_ _You think I'm stupid?_

 _ **Elliot:**_ _No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. Now look, let's just take it down a notch. Tell me what you want._

 _ **Manuel:**_ _We're leaving! Now!_

 _ **Elliot:**_ _Manuel, I can't let you leave with her. You know that. Now, what else can I get you?_

 _There was a long pause, way too long for anyone's comfort before Manuel finally said something. Not that anyone was comfortable in the situation, but the pause certainly didn't help._

 _ **Manuel:**_ _I want a car brought here with my shipment inside or I'll kill her._

 _She knew that it was always a possibility, but for some reason, when Manuel said that he would kill her aloud, a sense of fear washed over her body, one that she had only felt when she was locked in the basement with Lowell Harris at Sealview. While her primary emotion was still fear, she also was hit with a bit of confidence. She knew that if she was going to die, she'd want it to be for a good, heroic reason. At that moment, she decided to challenge Rojas._

 _ **Olivia:**_ _Like you killed Ramona and Carlos?_

 _ **Manuel:**_ _Shut up, you lying bitch._

 _ **Olivia:**_ _You have a gun to my head, Manuel. Why would I lie to you now? I think that you're the one who's lying to me. You found Ramona with Carlos and you slit their throats._

 _All in a matter of seconds, she heard a gunshot ring out and she was then collapsing to the ground. She hadn't been shot- she didn't think so anyway, but Manuel certainly had been._

 _ **Elliot:**_ _Liv! Call a bus! Liv, Liv. Are you hit?_

 _ **Olivia:**_ _No. No, the blood is his._

 _She'll never forget the feeling of comfort and safety that washed over her when Elliot kneeled down and took her in his arms. It was like all the events prior had just been washed away, and for a few seconds, she felt like they were the only two people in the world._

"Liv? You still with us?" she heard Fin call out to her, pulling her out of her recollection of thoughts. "Yeah, yeah. I'm still here," she replied shakily. She watched Fin sigh in relief, still having his gun raised at the man holding her captive. She adjusted her attention to now be on Munch, who was also aiming his gun at her captor. She saw it in his eyes that everything would be okay, but was only reassured when she watched him mouth the word "sniper," and then look towards the window. She gave him a slight nod, acknowledging his silent communication.

The only foreseeable way to get everyone out of here alive was to try and negotiate the demise of the situation. She thought carefully about how to approach the men from only knowing a few things about them, and decided that the best approach would be to play it hardball, considering that her waiter told her earlier in the evening that they like it "rough." Drawing in a breath, she started, "Listen, I know you're big, muscular, and confident, but you aren't making yourself look any better by holding a police officer captive. This would go smoother if you just let me go." She noticed the rapid change in his breathing pattern, obviously going from frightened, to angry. Pushing the gun tighter into her stomach, he said, "Shut up, bitch! You're not going anywhere." _I think I picked the wrong tactic,_ she thought to herself, rolling her eyes.

A few minutes passed by, a few too many, and he still had the gun pressed tightly to her abdomen. Negotiations had finally arrived on the scene and had unsuccessfully tried to talk the men down. Olivia decided to give negotiating with them one last shot before things became worse. "Alright. You've made your point, you aren't going to let me go. I'm just going to tell you that if you shoot me, you're dead too. The only way the both of you are making it out of here alive is if you surrender and let me go." He seemed to take her words into consideration but replied, "That's not true. We'll pop all your heads off before we die." Laughing at his confidence, she replied, "You're 4 to 2 in here, outnumbered by double your amount. Do you really think that they'll hesitate to shoot if you shoot me?" This obviously made her captor angrier and he simply told her to "Shut up!" The other attendant stepped in and attempted to reason with him. "Bro, maybe we should listen to them. They are outnumbering us." Her captor simply scowled at that, and then said, "Whose side are you on, hermano? It doesn't seem like it's mine. You need to think about what you're saying before-"

A shot rang out from nowhere and violently shattered the glass window to her left. The side of Olivia's face was instantly sprayed with blood, blood that she hoped wasn't hers. She was only certain that it wasn't hers when she turned her head and watched the attendant next to her collapse to the ground, gun falling from his hand. "Charlie! Mi hermano, no! You killed him!" He shoved the gun even tighter into Olivia's stomach and it hurt like a bitch. Amanda looked like she was about to tackle the guy when she said, "Listen, the only way you're getting out of here alive is if you let her go. Do you understand that? Do you want to end up like your friend?" He laughed nervously and replied, "Do I look stupid to you? I know that the only reason that I'm still alive is because I have her. You just killed my friend, so what's to stop me from killing yours?" Everyone became extremely tense at the thought, and Munch contributed to the conversation by saying, "You need to let her go. We've got snipers surrounding the place, so you either let her go, or you pray that you get damn lucky and that they don't get a shot. Let her go." He appeared to take offense to Munch's words and screamed back to them, "Call off your snipers, or I'll kill her! I'm not messing around this time!" By this point, he was already in hysterics and had his finger on the trigger.

Then, they heard a second shot. Olivia prayed that it had hit the man holding her captive, but no one moved. As her ears re-adjusted from the ringing, she heard the man yelling to her colleagues, "You just tried to kill me! Call them off or she's dead! Now! I swear to God if you don't tell them to leave, I'll shoot her right now!" _Hysterics. This man is in Hysterics._ _If he pushes this gun any farther, my stomach is going to rip open_ , she thought to herself, unable to help the situation. "You know we can't do that. The only way is for you to let her go!" Fin replied, his voice cracking with anxiety. "Call them off, now!" her captor screamed in her ear. Nick was the next person to try and reason with him, but she already knew what was about to happen next. In that instant, she knew that it was all over. The man that's holding her began to countdown from five.

"Five.

Four.

Three.

Two…"

Everyone was completely pale by the time he reached the number two because they knew there was nothing they could do to stop him. They all knew that Olivia's time was running on a clock, ticking in the hands of a rapist. Nick tried his best to stop him from shooting when he said, "Wait! Don't shoot! I'll try to contact-" but was cut off by the only remaining tick on her dying clock.

"One."

Time stood still for a few seconds. She looked around at everyone in the room, and memories came flooding back to her, one with each person. She mouthed the word "goodbye" before the third shot of the night rang out. This time, the bullet wasn't aimed at the bad guy, it was aimed at her. She thought that this isn't the way the story goes. _The good guy doesn't get hurt in the end._ She didn't feel it at first, it was almost like nothing had happened. If it weren't for the horrified looks that everyone had on their faces, she wouldn't have known that it was her that had gotten shot. She collapsed to the floor and watched as Fin took out her captor. The man fell down, dead, a few feet from her, and she looked up. Upon looking, she was met with the terrified faces of her squad as they kneeled down at her side and began to apply pressure to her abdomen. She couldn't quite hear anything because of the ring of the gunshot, but she knew from the way their lips were moving that they were telling her she'd be okay and she needed to stay with them.

Her eyes were immediately drawn to the door marked by a sign with the words "Manager's Office" across it. She could have sworn that she had died because as the door swung open, she saw someone that she hasn't seen in six years walk out. The piercing blue eyes of the figure was what she recognized first. As his eyes settled upon hers, they became wider than she'd ever seen them before. He sprinted towards her, and in that instant, her hearing came back. She heard him yell to Fin, "What the hell? Is she shot? What happened?" The man kneeled down next to her and gently placed his hand on her head. This wasn't just any man though, it was the one that she walked in sync with on the busy New York streets, argued with over debatable cases, and shared her favorite drinks with. It was someone that she'd do anything for, even after not seeing him for six years because he was once the only man in her life. He was the longest relationship that she'd ever had with a man. She couldn't believe what was happening. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. As she struggled to stay conscious, she couldn't believe that Elliot Stabler was kneeling down next to her, caressing her head, and telling her that she'd be okay as long as she stayed with him. _I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe any of this just happened._

 _And then, for the third time that evening, the world crashed down upon her._

 _Except for this time,_

 _it was in the form of darkness, a darkness that would cruelly eclipse her consciousness._

—  
AN: Hey guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I know it was really intense! Sorry about the major cliffhanger, but tune back in next week for Chapter 4! Also, thanks again to my lovely beta readers for all of their dedication and hard work! xoxo


	4. Chapter 4 - Recurrent

**-Disclaimer-**

I own none of the characters mentioned unless stated otherwise. All rights go to Dick Wolf and NBC. This story is fictional and solely for entertainment purposes. Some scenes/vocabulary may not be suitable for young readers.

AN: _Sentences that are in italics are Elliot's thoughts._ Some words that are italicized aren't his thoughts but are just used to _emphasize_ words.

 **-May 4th, 7:33 pm, Mister's Bar-**

 **Elliots POV**

 _And then, for the third time that evening,_

 _the world crashed down upon her._

 _Except for this time,_

 _It was in the form of darkness, a darkness that would cruelly eclipse her consciousness._

Not only would this darkness eclipse Olivia, but it would wash over his body as well. There was only one difference between his darkness, and Olivia's, and it was that she would remain unconscious, while he had to endure the pain of watching his partner fight to stay alive. Her pain was most likely 10 times worse physically, but emotionally, he had the upper hand. Watching her lay beneath him, bleeding out, was one of the worst pains that he'd ever felt in his life. She was virtually lifeless, and this shattered his heart into a million tiny irreparable pieces. He's the one that supposed to take the bullet for her, he thought. Even though they hadn't spoken in six years, she was still his best friend, whether she felt the same way or not. He would take a bullet for her any day.

If he had known what was happening outside of his office earlier, he would have taken the bastard down that held her before he could even lay a hand on her. If it had been up to him, no one would have ever laid a hand on her. It had been six years since the last time they'd spoken, but he's still as protective as always, and time would never change that.

It had been gut-wrenchingly painful to stay away from her for as long as he did, but it didn't even complete with watching as she bled out beneath him. This was a completely different kind of pain, one that's extremely excruciating to him, and almost too difficult to bear. Not knowing if she was going to survive this made his head spin, and want to pass out. Just the thought that she wouldn't pull through made him want to scream, cry, and punch something all at the same time. Mainly, punch something.

Although his emotions tended to get the best of him all too often, he was still in control enough to know that now wasn't the time for any of the things that he wanted to do, so he decided to do the only other thing that he could in this situation- and that was to start giving orders. Putting on his strictest face, he started, "Fin, hold pressure down on her abdomen. Pretty boy with the black hair, call for a bus. Munch, get Cragen in here right now. I'm assuming that whatever you guys just tried to do, it was supervised by him, so he'd better be right outside." Amanda looked towards Elliot and said, "My name's Amanda, and to answer your question, we were all undercover, and if you can't tell, it went bad. By the way, who the hell are you?" With a saddened look and tears in his eyes, Elliot said, "Elliot. My name's Elliot, and I was her old partner," he looked down at Olivia with remorse and even more tears filling his eyes as he continued, "I had to leave about six years ago, I'll explain the rest later." Amanda nodded her head and proceeded to ask him if there was anything that she could do. Elliot looked at her and said, his voice cracking, "Can you go find out when that damned bus will be here?" She agreed and ran out of the room quicker than the speed of light. He returned his attention to Olivia, continued to hold her head in his hand, and softly caressed it.

"Stabler? Where the hell did you come-" he turned up to his former captain and watched his eyes become just as wide as his once had when he first saw Olivia. He stopped dead in his tracks and said, "Jesus... that bus had better have its ass parked outside by the time I get out there," and took off as quick as the blonde girl- Amanda, once had. Fin looked up at Elliot, and with Olivia's blood soaking his hands, he said, "Elliot, I don't know how or why you came out of that Managers office, but I just want you to know that we're investigating two rapes that took place here. You had better had a damned good reason for Olivia if she wakes up that explains why you're here, and where you went." While he was shocked at Fin's bluntness, he subconsciously knew that he was right. She deserved an explanation and a damned good one at best. Heck, Olivia was probably confused out of her mind before she fell unconscious, and his sudden reappearance most likely didn't help that either.

All of a sudden, the doors to the bar swung open, and the EMT's began to move in. "Over here," Fin called, and in an instant, Elliot was being shoved away from Olivia. She was picked up onto a stretcher, and Fin was now on top of her, continuing to hold pressure on her open gunshot wound. As they were wheeling her away, he chased after them. "Wait, I'm riding!" he yelled, and the EMT's looked questioningly up at Fin. He gave them a firm nod, acknowledging that he was allowed to go. Elliot jumped in the ambulance, the doors closed with a thud, and the vehicle sped away with its sirens blazing.

 **-May 4th, 7:50 pm, NYC Hospital-**

They arrived at the hospital, and Olivia was taken away to be evaluated by the surgeon. Elliot was losing his mind thinking about the horrible scenarios that could happen, and all of the things that could go wrong. He could lose her. She's his best friend for crying out loud, and he could lose her. She's the only person he'd ever entrusted his life with, and now he's incapable of doing anything to save hers. He paced back and forth, rubbing a hand over his head.

Screw technicality, he thought. She's his partner, for better or worse. He began to think about the first time that he had told her that, and the huge grin that spread across her face. God, she had such a beautiful smile then, and he couldn't imagine not seeing it again. During the time that they were apart, he'd always thought that he'd see her smile again and that it was only a matter of time until he did. The only thing that he could wish for at that moment was that he was waiting to see her smile, instead of waiting to find out if she was going to pull through this shooting.

He was abruptly shaken from his thoughts by the doctor calling, "I'm looking for an Elliot Stabler?" Elliot turned around quickly and said, "That's me. I'm Elliot." The doctor looked at his clothes with a horrified look on his face, and that's when Elliot realized for the first time that he was covered in blood- Olivia's blood. "How is she?" Elliot conjured up the courage to ask, his voice cracking the slightest bit. With a sigh, the doctor replied, "Not well. She was shot in the kidney, and it caused her other kidney to go into overdrive. When we ran some tests, and it appears that she had pre-existing damage to her other kidney. If we don't get her a transplant soon, it's going to shut down, and she won't make it through this. She's on the waiting list, but there aren't any organs currently available because of her blood type being in high-demand."

Instantaneously, Elliot was thrown back to a conversation that they'd once had in the elevator at the precinct.

 _ **Olivia:**_ _You know, we've been partners all these years. I don't even know your blood type._

 _ **Elliot:**_ _A-positive._

 _ **Olivia:**_ _How about that? Me, too._

 _There was a brief pause in between their sudden exchange of words, but Elliot felt a strong gravitational need to say something, whether or not it would throw their partnership off its course._

 _ **Elliot:**_ _I'd give you a kidney._

 _ **Olivia:**_ _Not if I gave you mine first._

 _This statement threw him a complete curveball. He had expected to shock her with his statement, not to have it the other way around. While he'd known how he felt about her, and that he'd do anything to protect her, he had no idea that she felt the same. He was so mind-boggled by her words, that he couldn't even form his usual witty comeback, and he could only stare at her in disbelief. The doors to the elevator shut, and they were silent the rest of the way down._

"Mr. Stabler?" he heard the doctor call, bringing him back to the present time. "Sorry. I zoned out for a minute," he said, clearing his voice. The doctor nodded in acknowledgment, and continued, "It's no problem, I know how confusing this all may be for you. Like I said, she is currently on the waiting list for a kidney transplant, but until then, our surgeons are taking her up to the O.R. to remove the bullet that's lodged in her. I'll be back out as soon as I can to give you further updates". The doctor squeezed Elliot's shoulder before turning away to walk back towards the doors marked, "Medical Professionals Only". Elliot stopped the doctor before he could leave and said, "Alright, what can I do to help her?" The doctor chuckled slightly, which Elliot thought was extremely inappropriate given the circumstances, but decided against getting angry for Olivia's sake, "Well, there isn't much you can do at this point. If you're religious, you can pray, if you aren't, you can hope for the best. Unless you want to give her one of your kidneys, I can't say that there is anything else that you can do personally."

Elliot knew that the doctor's intentions with this statement were completely sarcastic, but a billion different things started swirling around his head when he said that he could give her a kidney. The one thing that he was sure of was that he was going to do whatever it took to help Olivia. He couldn't live without her, he wouldn't, and he decided to do something drastic. Something to save her life.

"Doc?" He said, stepping towards the departing doctor. "Yes?" he replied, looking confusedly at Elliot. "I want to give her my kidney." The doctor was physically taken back by his sudden want to undergo surgery and said, "Sir, if you did that, you'd have to be operated on, and it can take four to six weeks to fully recover the surgery. I'm not telling you that you shouldn't, but I think you should consider the factors before you-" Elliot cut him mid-sentence and said a bit aggressively, "I don't need to consider it. I know that this is what I want to do." The doctor sighed, and continued, "Alright. I'll get forms for you to fill out, and then we will perform some test to make sure that you will be a match for her kidney type." Elliot shook his head and sat down in the chair behind him. He looked up at the doctor, and said, "One more thing, how did you know to ask for me when you came out?" The doctor appeared to be confused by this question and simply replied, "Your name was on her emergency medical contact form. You were the first name on her list."

 _Holy shit_ was the only coherent words that he could form, so he simply shook his head back as his response. The doctor offered a nod of his head as well, and said, "No problem. I'll be back out soon with those forms."

 **-May 4th, 9:00 pm, NYC Hospital-**

It had nearly been an hour since the doctor had brought the forms out to Elliot and took him back to be tested for the kidney match. He was currently situated in a chair and having blood drawn from a needle in his arm. The nurse doing it seemed friendly enough, but he couldn't listen to a word she was saying because of Olivia's situation. The nurse had taken the needle from his arm and said something about "testing the blood" as she left the room with the tubes of it.

It was only at that moment that the weight and entirety of the situation really hit him. The nights that he had woken up alone, realizing that he had been dreaming about Olivia and calling her name in his sleep were innumerable. He had listened to every single voicemail that she had ever left him, but he couldn't bring himself to call her. He couldn't, but he would explain that to her later. His reasons for not calling wouldn't make any sense until he told her the full story if he would even be able to given her current state. All he could hope is that she would forgive him for all of the pain that he must have caused her.

The nurse returned to the room, which distracted him momentarily from his painfully aggressive thoughts. She told him that she would take him to a room where he could wait for the test results to come back, and in a split second, he was waiting in a cold hospital room that smelt far too strongly on ammonia. As he shifted his body, he heard the stiff paper crinkle beneath him, and all he could think about was Olivia, and how he ever had the strength to leave her. He wished that he hadn't left, but that wasn't an option. He hadn't had a choice.

His head darted towards the door as he heard a soft but urgent knock. It began to swing open slowly, and he was met with a familiar face. His ex-captain stood before him, looking all too guilty for his liking. "Cap, I..." was all he could say before he realized that he had called Cragen his captain. He wasn't his captain anymore but calling him that was a force of habit, even if he hadn't seen the man in a little over six years. Cragen opened his mouth to talk, but Elliot could see that he hesitated when he said, "If I had..had known that this was where you assigned, I would never have sent her in, or any of my detectives for that matter. I'll take care of everything on the work side of things, don't worry about that. You just need to focus on what you are going to tell Olivia when she pulls through this and wakes up." Cragen's positivity that Olivia would make it through this was definitely reassuring, but not reassuring enough. "Yeah, thanks," was all that Elliot could say. It appeared that his ex-captain didn't have anything else to say, so they exchanged their goodbyes, and once again Elliot was left alone with only his thoughts.

After what had seemed like hours, the doctor had finally returned, confirming that he was indeed a match for Olivia and that he was able to be a donor to her. Everything that followed the confirmation happened so quickly, and before he knew it, he was being wheeled back into the operating room. Once he was situated on the bed, a mask was lowered over his face, and the anesthesiologist told him to count down from 10. He took a deep breath and began to count down.

 _Ten..._

 _Nine..._

 _Eight..._

 _Seven..._

 _Six..._

 _He slowly slurred the oddly recurrent number "six" as his consciousness ebbed. His thoughts were spiraling, resembling a carousel in the ways that they spun around inside his head. And then, all at once, a blanket of sleep covered him, and the world seemed to slow down for just a few moments._

 **Authors Note (AN):** Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed Chapter Four, I'm so sorry that it took me so long to finish it. It took an incredibly long time to get Elliot's POV up to my standards because I've never written in his POV before. Thanks for reading, and stay tuned for Chapter Five!


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